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A few

12 Oct

A few day’s later I left Bern,forget this.But since that experience, I was no more able to join funs about:Believe,God and Church!!

I found an other place in Zuerich.The landlady was a believer.A real difference is between believer and nonbeliever.After a strife,this trade disguises me much.I always’ like nature,so say my father:Try working by a farmer.At the start it was indeed hard,but I became routine in it,and so I go on 1950 to the agriculture school”Rity” near Bern.

Also my brother passed youth crises.The psychiatrist advice was:He should go to a different surrounding.So he came to a home near Zuerich.

The home leader was a youth pastor.He inflated my brother.He gave him a Bible.After 2 years he left,go to the commercial school in Davos and forget all

    1950 was the Korean war. The spirit of fear:This war may  lead to the world war Nr 3.My brother remembers samething,but firstly he want be samebody.One day inform us the police:He was catched in a stolen car with no driver license’s he was fired from that school,found an other school in Zuerich.There he came in touch with Christians and became him selves a believer.

Also me touch that war.May the Bible be a mixture between history and story..Samething,samebody,named God has to be!From nothing only nothing can be!I read the books from my brother:Astrology,Spirits’m,but also the Bible.How can be the public opinion:The Bible is a book of stories from the time of ignorances.In no other book became properties so reality’s as the coursing’s to the Jew’s in the 5 books of Moses,But indeed are there matter’s witch contradicts natural law’s.

I  read in Readers digest(Dec 1950)2 doctor’s argued concerning miracles’ those are in contradictions to the natural law’s…God has indeed fully ability’s to chance those..The school Darwin was boated.

One night I start to pray.Only personal experiences of that is able to understand:What means a honest prayer from the heart.

My relations with the other’s became stressed and nervous(Coleagues,theacher’s and instructors)!They did curse: God,Jesus ,the Bible with fun and scoffing near me(All nominal Christians)One gave me a address to a meeting  in Bern.I visit those.

      My conditions increase worse and worse.I did surrender,but then it burn’s in me so strong,that I did prefer to obey my conscience again.But now also violent reaction. All nominal Christian hate a in Jesus believing Jew much more as those in their own spirit.

How react our parent’s?!In the time as we where wicked,in youth crises…But now they tried to destroy our opinion’s.

We founds a spiritual line and home in the Jewish Christian movement from Abram Poljak.

He claim’s:The state of Israel now is a clear fulfillment of many biblical prophets .Because this,no any power will be able to destroy Israel again! A Jew witch believe Jesus,should be like the other’s in all other matter’s.This is the only way to get them.Firstly my brother came in touch with them and via him I.

In summer 1951 make my father with me a trial.He demand from me:Write:,I believe not in Jesus.If yes,The cursing of the Thora will be on me…Firstly I resist.But as I consider:He really means:To fire my from Home as a stranger..I did surrender.The demand for conscience liberty is too high for me..Why mediate on:What will heapen to me after dead..I am still young and on start of my life…

Here is written in the newspaper:In Davos accidently killed 2 boy’s and 1 girl.On the same place as my child friend died.One boy was a former schoolmate from me…

Yes,for a short rest,for the momentary rent ability I sell myself like a harlot…I did not yet pass a real test of lacking,of real poverty!With dead:No any agreement is possible..This is the finger of God for me..But the other voice:This is life.Firstly you has to fight for getting a position in the society!For this you has to chook your conscience..You will have afterward time for” after dead Philosophies”..

On the ski mountain on Christmas vacation I meet a former classmate.High speed he pass me,and I,speed drunken after him.On the main street I pass a car collosion.He pass my skies,but to me nothing did heapen.A friend from my father saw this and told that miracle to him.

6.1.1952,on my retour to “ruety” I visit my brother.He feels something in me and ask:Do you believe in Jesus Christ?I can’t..He:give yourself as you are to Jesus Christ in the freedom of your own will.This is the solution  of your problem!This are the conditions for guidance and helps from the Holy Spirit..Came to Jesus as you are,and take the yoke of God’s kingdom..I:If God would demand from me to much!!??You have the full freedom to left.But God give his power to those,who trust in him in time of trials..I tried this step to do.

Never will I forget the heavenly light and that kind of joy witch I did taste!Only who has himself that experience,is able to understand this!Now I have peace in that school,because I learn the first and most important lesson in God’s kingdom:It is very important:The differences between your words and your works and  behavior should not be too big!!

In summer,again society problems.My father send me to a Psychiatrist.His answers:This matter is only for the benefits for your son!Then ask my father me:Are you ready  immigrate to Israel?!Yes.was my answer.

As this became known’s am inn touch with the Israeli office in Geneva,I was fiered.The reasons:If a Jew became a Christian for a society position,for a job,or falling in love with a Christian girl.Well.But if it is because eternity,he is becoming fit for a mental institution..

My father consider’s:In Israel I will surly surrender.Since 1950 the anti Christian forces did increase:The”Finaly court case”Believing Christians from every denomination save Jewish children in the Nazi time in the hope:To get them for the Christian faith.

The case of Rabbi Daniel Zion./Before the 2. world war he was the chief Rabi from Bulgaria In Israel he was the Rabbi from Tel Aviv Jaffo.As he preach a bit from the New Testament,He was fiered.The chief Rabbi’s say:He became crazy.

I left Switzerland with very low emotions(On the face)Full with fear and insecurities.But God gave me a wonderfully dream in the last night in Europa.20,2,1953 I arrive in Haifa

                   Israeli diary 1953-56

My uncle receive me firstly.I seek a fit Kibbutz found Shluchot(near the city Beth Shan)I think:A orthodox Kibbutz will be more tolerant as they in that time so strong secular atheistic Kibbutzim.Also in Shluchot where members of German and Swiss orgin.My faith in Jesus I keep secretly.The fit time will come for this.

On a weekend visit a Swiss guy.He stay in the same barrack as I.He was religios,but also a strong lover of Nietsche.A lot from the Kibbutz members where holocaust survivors.But nobody became upset because this.”We have fully freedom of Religion,Ideas and Opinions.On the last night before his  lifting I confess him my opinion.

After several weeks he again came to that Kibbutz.Want a bit work.One day he work also in the datplantage with me.Sudenly he say: Are you knowing this:Ben is believing in Jesus’. became upset.But A. say:No to bad,shortly Ben will forget this

    At hand start a heavy pressure against me.No any friendly word more to me.I became the hardest’s and dirtyst’s works.(God know:Why the”Ruety”trainings before.

  As I need clothes and shoes..Was the answer:We have nothing for your tall mesure..I ask God:Stay or go?The answer was:Stay till the legally firing.

My brother send me the so precious literature and addresses.They gave me the so urged needy cloths and shoes(Witch the Kibbutz not want give me).1954 should be a year of big event’s!Indeed in Mars was a big hydrogen Atomtest,but afterward it was a”normal year”.Prophetikal warnings may also be delayed(As Niniwe in the Bible)

       It may be very well be:I was the first messianic Jew witch did not surrender via cold pressure persecution.I have a little love affair with a girl named Mazal.She worked in that Kibbutz and lived in the near by Maabara”Farwanna”(Maabara was the name of the camps where poor immigrant has to live.Before the reparations from West Germany was Israel a poor country)

Instead to support love between believer and nobeliever(This is mostly here the natural end of faith in Jesus)..They react with ugliness,till Masal finish to work in that Kibbutz .

Their opinion was:Ben would in the army be”inhamered”!3.1.55 I was draft in to the army.To the”Nahal”unit(fighting young pioneer’s)Firstly we stay in the Kibbutz”Kfar Darom”There ask me the foreman:Are you indeed Benyamin Brenner?Yes,I answer.He:Do you indeed believe in Jesus from Nazareth?I:Yes I do.So he say to us:The past year we discus in the yeshiva(Talmud school)”Cerem b’Yawne”:If is so a fellow still a Jew,or no more?!

The reactions from the comrades:We never hear so a matter.M(private)I do consider Jesus as a big prophet and a good Jew..B Everyone is free to believe,or not believe what he consider as truth..S We spoke concerning the AT prophetess concerning Jesus..A Jesus,a helpless baby in the manger,named him”Yoisel”

In the recruit time I was acceptet.The center of that Kibbutz’s arranges a meeting between me and the famous Rabi Kook in Jerusalem.He:You believe in the AT.There is written:Israel is a holy and chosen people.But this holy collective is against Jesus and the Christian considering of the AT..Our line is accepting only the Talmudic traditional explanations..And you do yourselves separate from this holy ,chosen collective..I:Is God working with collective or with individuals?! How behave this collective toward Moses!And how the pagan Itro?!..Less then 40 days they forgot all..Indeed,only individual persons go in the past and go now in God’s way’s.This included believing persons from other nations.An example:Those who saved Jews during the Nazitime.They did take on themselves high risks.. What I am recognize as truths,I am not ready to sell at all!No for money,honor or a position in the socity..Truths are for me to preciously..

1956 start with guerilla war{Fadayuns)The Kibbutz center was successfully to give the whole combat to a bad and cruel officer.Soon I was in the”melting container”Also we where involved in war actions.In so one comrade M was seriously hurt and unconcsiones.Suddently he awoke and cry:No,no..I no want die!!But dead simply close his mouth.During the cadet time he was interested in faith.But as he understood:Yo can not remain neutraly..He reacts angry:I am still young,and my life is mostly before me..Go away from me with your eternity problems…And NOW!This Event make my faith much stronger.In an other fight also the sergeant dies,and the new was in the spirit of the bad officer

In the Sinai war gave me the high commander a job not with them..So I suirvive..and everything has a end.From Jan 1957 we stay again in Kfar Darom

  Israel diary 1957-1960

Now I was ready for secret baptism.

The Kibbutz center arranges a meeting between me and the manager of the yeshiva”Cerem b”Yawne”He:Of cause,you as an individual person may be what you like.But you will be”out”among the Jew’s as also the Christian’s..So I advice to you:Study more the Judaism..So I go to that Yeshiva after finish my army service(July 1957)There I have a conversation with the district Rabi from Rechovoth.He :What did Jesus  bring?Not the messianic worldwide peace..The story of Maria:Pregnant from the Holy Spirit is a big nonsense…I:In our present period,Jesus is bringing salvation only to Individual person’s,not jet to the nations.This will occur only after His return..Give riches,comforts,and honor a destination in life and a inward joy?!If yes,Why is the suicide rate much higher in rich nations as in poor’s?!…No possibility’s to understand God with human measuring and human wisdoms..!

As they saw,I do not  think an any diplomatic compromisse,They gave me a friendly advice:In vain you stay here.Go back to Shluchot.

Quickly I was in the focus of the youth group.I was warnet:Shut up!!Now I have no more to loose,and on the season end they fired me legally(5.1.1958)I has to go only in shabby summer cloths,only the army shoes on my feet..And a recommendation of L”I 50(10% from what I should receive in the law of that time.

Believers in Haifa gave me same helps.Mostly Maly Kaagan.She was a Deaconess and a Holocaust survivor.With the rebirth of Israel she found a job in Haifa as a social worker.But the helps to me with cloths and shoes was the reason:That she lost here job(Helping a traitor)..But also among the believers she came in seductive gossips because this.So I was not able find work in Haifa.God led me know:The Kibbutz   Hagoshrim in the upper Galilee would receive me.(In that Kibbutz stay 16 witch themselves has to left their former Kibbutz after the dividing affaire in the Kibbutz movement same years before.So they feel with me.So found the question of existence a solution.But now I should find a help maid for my life..Yes:be active in witnessing among the youth group.And that girl witch will receive Jesus,woulds be for me..

Of cause,so a”motivisations cocktail” is a reason for many failings.{Only afterward I did ask God)His answer:Do what I tell you..Only now a bit success.But:again society problems.God tell me:Exactly as you, others have also fear for their lifehood..Where is  your faith and confidence in me??!

A messianic family in the”Sde Warburg” village need’s same helps.So I left Hagoshrim on 5.11.1959.

In that year start the hole country messianic meetings.And there I found my first contact with Christian Arabs.Israel is indeed a clear fulfilling of many biblical prophetess,but this can never be any reason for bad deeds toward other human beings!

         Till April I get only 70 LI.Witouth the helps from Maly I would be on the street’s

On a weekend I plane to visit my friends in Hagoshrim with same strawberry’s as a gift.The Boss say smiling:Take(Without fit packing it is impossible to carry strawberry} .The next day came a visitor with same metal boxes,very fit for strawberry’s.Now he forget his smiling.

Several day’s we harvest potato’s.On Thursday night he go with the lorry.Toward 23 H they retournet.He did a bit slumber..And saw a dead lady lying on the street.But did not warn the driver..Suddently somebody ran in the lightbeam.instinctivli stop the driver..but to late.

On 02 H they come back.An I was free to take strawberry’s.

                In June I became weaker. Also my joy of the Lord did go..And already the so well knowing problems with my surrounding.In my prayer I receive the answer:Your time here is over.My boss answer:Go,but with nothing(All my money was about 50 LI}

I dream:I am in a train.Outhside same cows in that mountains.So I ask God for a sign:I put blind a knife in the Bible.It was on:GO(Jer.13,4-5 Again”Escape”(Ex.2.15)And:Rev. 18.4)And a sign more:In the messianic youth meeting I visit afterward a elder lady in Haifa.She said to me:I did dream concerning you:You has to left now in faith..And again a dream:I seek and found work in the countryside.So I go to my friends in Haifa.There where same tourist’s witch wanted a German specking Israeli for a Galilee visit.But because I have a”to little mouth”,even a copper coin I did not receive.

Now I became adviced:Go back to the farm!I feel:That is wrong.But the language of the empty pocked was stronger.So I go back like a beaten dog.Same day’s later I was in the Hospital because insecticide poisoned.

After this was Maly successfully to find a place for me in the Scotty Hospice in Tiberias.For:Room,Food and 120 LI a month.Of cause I agree..My room I shard with Andre,a new believer.He connect me with a other group of believers in Haifa.


Only now make my parent’s a offer for helps..Same conditions:If I gave up my Christian faith,at hand 500$.And after an ordinate Rabi confirm trhis..20-30 000$ in stocks..Of cause,I say:No,after the Hospital experience.But my girlfriend from the believer(Stella) left my with despising because this..

1961 Andre,my room partner wept to my>I has to pay aliment’s to my divorced wife,and for waiter is now the dead saison..Firstly I despise Andre in my heart..But after I overcame that emotions in prayer..I hear a voice:Give him..Verry soon also you will pay aliments. So I gave him more as I should.

Shortly after that I fall in love toward Alisa,a she worker in the Scotty Hospice in really blind cracynes..I should give here a precius gift..But not enough mony..Till the next salary is a long time.

She reackt:Firstly became again a full Jew,not 1/2 1/2.A clear voice say to me:You has to inform all the believer witch are in contact with you..My emotion’s makes me really mad..I fast and pray..No answer,also no from any believer..Alisa remains on here’s. I has to think on same”diplomatic compromises..I am a “nutty” in the eyes of all believers..

Here a answer from the home group in Haifa…Because your address was not clear, it take a so long time.consider Andre!..On the next day an other letter:Consider Samson!In deed I neglected the reading in the Bible.So,as I read the case of Samson,I was really shocks’ am already deep in the satanic minefield!No any was successfully via this way to get a non believer..So I left Alisa.But the problem remain.

I ask God:Why!? My finger was on Jes.1/15..I not answer your prayer,because your hands are bloody!

Exactly in this time was the trial of Eichmann.And now:I has to go for reserve army service.I answer to my unit:I am no more able for serve with weapons because conscience reasons..A quickly response:We agree..So it was indeed God’s voice!But the the believing girls go on with they’ r despairing toward me.

Here a letter from my brother in Switzerland:My believe is now in the bin;Also for you it’s preferable to surrender to the demands of Papa and the Jewish establishment.

Also I did chance my thoughts’ answer:But I will not finish with Jesus..

So no more any contact with my family.Again I was”on the face”(Children do demonstrate this very excellent manner)

1962.A surprise letter from my father;;Nevertheless I honor you…Your brother is now down in human’s quality’s after he left his fait…So became our relations in honorable co existent

In that time was also the court case of the monk Daniel Rufeisen(A Catholic of Jewish origin).If he has still the Jewish right’s for Emigration,or no more?!The sentence was:No/

A doctor in Denmark heard about my case.After that sentence confirmed this:He deciedes:Invite every year a messianic Jew from Israel.

1964:After Denmark I visit my family in Switzerland.Exatly in that time was my father in the Hospital,and dies after a surgery operation.In his testament he gave the maximum what he was allowed after the Swiss law to the Jewish Orthodox.

   20.5,1967 Also was draft in for the dramatically six day war.I refuse to take a weapon,so I became in the focus of talking.Till the begin of the war we stay in the camp.I was responsible for maintenance properly of the toilettes(Not a easy job at all in a overcrowded camp)

Then say the commander:I am recognizing your honest conviction;All the time as God will protect us,I agree.But you has to take the weapon from the first hurt.I agree.

5,6,1967 the war start.We shoot and became shooed with our kanons.The next day was a heavy defense battle near  Kibbutz Dan.7.6The shells target between our trenches.Damages yes,hurt no!8,6 Fight’s in the Golan heights.In the afternoon as we rolled high,snipers receive us.One lost same hears,but no more.Of course,we were very nervous during the following night.In the morning we saw a wounded Syrian.My comrades would shoot him dead,so I stood before him.So say the commander,let him alive.I gave him the first aid and escort him to the collections place.2 military pressmen joined  the car with the words:You are the only lucky unit with no any victim till now.I feel very good that a lot did pray for us.

As I was retour,what events?:A healthy Syrian soldier saw what did heapen to the wounded from the window of a secant floor house.He came down and did surrender(That room was full of machine guns and ammunition)

16,6 was our dismissings.No any victim.(In that war 1000 deaths and several more war  invalids)

In Tiberias was a spirit of revival ,because the many miracles.For the believers this gave several years of tolerance.John from the home group in Haifa write a booklet with testimonies,also from me,and we distribute those in the street of Haifa.

Sorry,already after 2 months chance the sprit of the people to euphoric,victory drunkenness.In the military maneuvers I was heavy oppressed.So gave me the good commander a job:Gardening in the base,till my age limitation.

First signs of finishing the period of tolerant toward us.The open reason was:The Emma Berger sect buy houses and land for overprices,but refuse to say:For what??!!

1673In the newspaper a harassing write against a missionary underground movment.In April was a believer murdered in a mysteriously way.And in summer I came in the”target cross”The to me sympathic forces in the police where able to delay the treatments to after the fall feasts.But the surprice war finish this.This nation understood the language from so a war better as the 6 day war.

But my relations with the other messianic became slowly slowly worser and worser.

God say to me:You has to work also in the”outside situation of the camp”

Tireness,frustrations and disappointers makes”new shoot’s from the”root of bitterness in my heart..And:Again in Hospital.Now with mixed infections in the Nazarene Hospital.Also in my heart”mixed emotions”

As I finally was able to hear God’s voice:Pull out that bitter root!My kingdom is not from this world!!What mean this for you!!

And the press office in Nazareth do the printings,what the printing shop in Jerusalem refuse to do.

1978-9.A fogy law against mission start(Chancing of religion is a crime,if it result’s in material benefit’s)The speaker from the churches blessed that law open in the media.!!One Christian group after another closed quietly.Still I have contacts with the group in Haifa.The landlady Frida understood me(Till she was able)And as she became to weak,also the group there canceled.(For a building permission.The old barrack still from the English time was no more fit for jounce)

In that time came the wipe of God”EYDS” to the humanity.Was the”Homeny revolution”(Witch gave to all Islamic group’s new spirit’s)

A new begin

The faithful remnant’s from Christian groups start a new group(From:Finnland,

Holand,Southafrica and Israel)And this was the start of the”Pniel” congregation”I am joining them,but no as a member.Because my children’s work is since 1964 in the”greyzone”No allowed for any congregation since that time.

Sorry,no any Christian paper did write:Eyds is a “wipe of God”toward his humanity’s I announce in 5 newspaper’s via the Nazarene office THIS!I live in the Scott’s Hospice and jounce also their PoB.  But in my name.

How they react:No more jouce that Pob.Since that time a tension atmosphere between and them.The labor union(Histadrut) advice to them:I should degrade as a volontair,40%less salary.And loosing the generally assurance for sickness.

But now I receive support from the now adult children from the Cohen family.First,jouce their Pob.

A psychiatrist answer to a reader’s letter in newspaper:Why have the far east sect’s fully freedom,but Christian Mission is”not wantet”..Young humans think on the questions of’:” Be and eternity”So are they a easy  victim for those sect’s.Till they are”burnt”from those.And this make them immune toward Christian missionary propaganda!Manny thanks Dr Psychiatrist!Here is my job in God’s vineyard.

Often are Moslem’s and Jew’s more open for that matters as Christian’s(They say:I have Jesus.This is enough for me.(The question is:Do you also allow Jesus to jouce YOU?!)

My room in the”Skotty” I has to left even before my  pension age.The family Cohen

Gave me an other room to stay with them.And they make a WWW site for my writings

As I became 65,I has to left the”Skotty”with no any recompensing for 38 year’s work there.

Should I go to Work court ??!This is in the hands of the”Bolshevik labor union” here?!God say:No!Almost every court case from the Messianic only worse the situation.Already wait a totalitarian law against every kind of Mission for discussing in the Parlament.If this will be,the”Troubel of Jacob(Jer.30,2}will also be!

In front of all those discriminations is the number here in the legally meetings more then 10 000 members.

Other names for the messianic Jews:Jewish Christians,Christians from jewish origin,

Christians witch want keeping onward their jewish indentity,Christians from Israel.

It has also the privet groups,”Anderground Churches” Sympathisants and peoples with working conscience.All those are in no any statistic.

    Tiberias,1.2.2012       Benyamin Brenner